Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
