I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
