i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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