med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
