One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
