I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
