So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize