just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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