non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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