Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I have post one night stand depression
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