Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you traded sex for a burrito?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
