All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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