I smell stomach acid.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
