i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
did i just pee glitter
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
