I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
