This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
