break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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