I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
