1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
