The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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