I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
