So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
