With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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