Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
