he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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