Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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