just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
