positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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