he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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