It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
