Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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