how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
