In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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