my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
