Already got asked if we're dating
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
