The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
