i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
