Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
