Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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