I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
