I accidentally burped into my bong.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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