I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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