is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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