I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
