Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
