So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
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the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
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He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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