epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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