it's like heaven, but drunker
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
