I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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