Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
