Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
