you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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