I want to walk on stilts...naked
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize