Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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