Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
