Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
