It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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