Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
