The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
