they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag