drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
